It’s a Dog Eat Dog World

March 26, 2009


Back in Los Angeles.

My first four days home mainly consisted of organizing my room, watching Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist with ma and pa, going to the dentist to get a tooth bonded, and taking a diagnostic LSAT. 

Yesterday around 2pm I get a call from a college friend who is visiting Los Angeles just for the day and wants to meet up for some LAish activity. Keep in mind the weather was all sunshine in the mid-seventies and I am equipped with a god-given knack for playing tour guide. Besides, this would give me the excuse I needed to reintroduce myself to the City of Angels.

So we decide to head on over to Venice Beach and take my dog Roxie for a stroll on the boardwalk. “Pleasant” is the best way to describe the first half of the outing: walk on the path for about twenty minutes, head down towards the water for a bit, grab a beer and some snacks at a boardwalk café overlooking the Pacific. I even had one of those “I don’t know why LA gets such a bad rap” moments. Like I said, everything up to this point was pleasant. Very pleasant.

Around 4:45, it’s time to leave Venice. My friend has a play to catch and I have dinner plans with father Baumgarten. Right as we are exiting the boardwalk, a pit bull on a leash approaches Roxie in what seemed to be one of those I-am-a-dog-you-are-a-dog-let’s-sniff-each-other-sessions. But instead of a good-old sniff fest, the pit bull just starts biting Roxie’s left ear. (While I never caught the pit bull’s name, from this point forward, I am going to refer to that dog as Mike Tyson, the boxer who notoriously bit Evander Holyfield’s ear off in a match.)

Holding Roxie’s leash, I try to pull her back. Tyson’s owner tried to do the same with her dog. Neither of us are having any luck in this tug-a-war match. Thirty-second into the Tyson-biting-Roxie’s-ear-a-thon, the owner tries to physically remove the dog’s jaw from Roxie’s ear. My out of town guests sticks his hand in there as well. In the process, the pit bull bites both of them.

I should note that it was rather crowded in Venice and about twenty spectators accumulate around us to catch a glimpse of the big show. One on-looker throws water on Tyson; another tries to kick him. But goddamn Tyson is still latched onto Roxie’s ear and from where I am standing, still trying to pull my pup back, Roxie’s blood is dripping all over the sidewalk.

About a minute into Tyson’s feast, some stranger sticks a finger up Tyson’s butt hole. At the moment of penetration, I kid you not, Tyson immediately stops chewing on Roxie’s ear. Who knew that the combination of anal penetration and bestiality would be such a life saver.

The aftermath of the brawl was a surreal experience in and of itself.
I run with Roxie to the nearby police station to get some help, but the it happens to be closed. My friend tries to exchange information with Tyson’s owner, only to have her husband call us later in the day and threaten to press charges against Roxie. We filed our own report with Animal Control; this should be a fun legal battle.

Onto health matters. We ended up rushing Roxie to her local vet where she was treated within 45 seconds of our arrival. Thankfully she didn’t suffer any major damage, just an ugly ear. The rather eccentric vet gave her a few shots and antibiotics; currently she is stumbling around the house high on doggie Vicodin.

As for my friend, the vet recommend we take him to the E.R. to get his bitten finger looked at. It took us three hours to see a doctor, which I guess is typical for the emergency room, but I do find it worrisome that animals get quicker treatment than humans. Anyway, my friend had x-rays taken, got a few shots, and the doc says that as long as he didn’t catch rabies, which is very unlikely, he is going to survive this episode.

What a homecoming.


13 Responses to “It’s a Dog Eat Dog World”

  1. Nikki Says:

    WHAT! Who is the sicko who stuck his finger up Mike Tyson??

    This post reaffirms my belief that LA is full of weirdos.

  2. what the hell are you thinking???? why would you ever put a picture on the inernett like that. are you trying to be an asshole??? dog racist. pit bulls are the best dogs.. and people like you are the ones who the reason pit bulls have a bad reputaion.. jerk!

  3. Justin Says:

    there goes people treating there fuking pitbulls wrong thts why they are illegal to have in most states TREAT EM RIGHT in for all you ass holes that dont sud get locked up!!!

  4. Bob Says:

    If you dont know how to fucking raise a dog, dont raise it.

    and if you’ve never raised a dog, dont get a fucking pit bull. simple as that. you cant expect to know how to raise a pitbull and just go buy one. itll rip you apart. retard!

  5. briank Says:

    I am interested in your pitbull pic, would like to use the image, need to know if it is copyright protected. Please advise?

    Brian Knopp

  6. peters Says:

    Its the owner, not the dog!!!!!!!!!!
    Im happy for Roxie that she have not any bad dammige
    That was a Pit Bull ? it could also be a Pudel or Dalmation.
    I dont like the Photo youre used!
    Sorry my English isnt that good.

    Pit bull owner- Bangkok

  7. Ashleigh Tilley Says:

    oh and, go to photobucket and type in which would you ban … also look up the breed and see what people do to those poors dogs and decide which you’d rather ban, the people or the helpless dog … i dont know why Tyson attacked your poor dog, but like i said … for every 1 that attacks and hurts a dog or human, there are 10,000 more that wont and dont … just try and research and understand … this decades new trend is pitbulls just like the 90’s had the dalmation … after 101 dalmations came out do you know how many people went out and bought one, and then call a shelter and see if they remember 6 months after the movie came out how many people dumped their dalmation off at the shelter after the movie was over with … its just like that …people use pit bulls because ar they are the most loyal dog you can fine, every pit bull on record score more than 82% on their temperment test when given in local shelters, higher than German Shepards and golden retrievers, i bet you didn’t know that golden retrievers and labs are more likely to attack and have attacked more than a pit bull ever has … I’m not trying to be mean because what would that solve? NOTHING! … i just wish people would TRY to understand the breed instead of being a bunch of dumb redneck retards and listening to the media, not saying you but i wouldn’t be surprised about some of the people that left comments before i had … the media doesn’t, or should I say WON’T cover any of the real stories on pit bulls, they say a pit bull attacks someone, but did you know that 75% of the time it isnt even a pit bull? and did you know that there are 27 other breeds that look like pit bulls, go to and look … also when the media covers stories like that, they say the pit if the assailant but most of the time they ARE the victim … so just please research the breed … thank you …

  8. Morgan Says:

    Okay pit bulls are sweet dogs.Its all in the owner!!! My mom,dad,and I have a pit bull and he is sooo sweet.HE DOESN’T EVEN BITE!!!!!!!! There are many dogs that could have done that.

  9. shay Says:

    I don’t.. know if it’s the just owners that are treating it bad or if it’s just the way their brought up to be.

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